there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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