Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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