Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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