and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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