What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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