How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
