You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
