first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
