Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
