On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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