is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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