You just made me feel so damn special
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
