I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
