I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
