i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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