they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
