The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
