tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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