sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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