You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
