smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
