I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize