I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
kristin has been a bad kristin
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
