Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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