dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
