so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
