You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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