420 ftw
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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