so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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