Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
