Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
