dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
