Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
