it's too hot outside to masturbate.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Send help, water and tortillas.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
