I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
