She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
