There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
