guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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