Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
