my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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