apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
