We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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