On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I cockslap morals
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
