HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
