12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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