I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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