So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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