On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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