Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
