im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
