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I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
