Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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