You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
