the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
