I love black thongs
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
