im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
