god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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