I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
