i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
