when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
