please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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