You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
