like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
