You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
