I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
