I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
